Today our nation honors this little rotund perfection of a snack:
The Donut
The Donut
Loved by many, the donut has been around since the late 1800's and has been contributing to the obesity epidemic ever since. So worth it.
I was appaled to realize how much I didn't know about this crazy desert until I was told that today is the donut's holy day. So my research instincts and skills kicked in and I wikipedia'd this bitch.
I didn't like what I found. Turns out the Dutch are behind it. Even though it's known as an American creation, it's been said that the Dutch introduced it here in the States some time ago. Sons of bitches, they can't just let us have this? But let's not let our disdain for the filthy and catastrophic race, that is the Dutch, to get in our way of the greatest confection of all time.
Thank you Dunkin' Donuts for keeping these little guys beautifully decorated with frosting and sugars
^Completely gratuitous? Yes. Completely necessary? Ohhhh yea.
Thank you Tim Hortons for being the Canadian version of Dunkin' Donuts and trying your hardest to keep up with American standards.
TIMBITS!
Thank you Krispy Kreme for inventing a neon sign called the Hot Light that alerts chunkies everywhere that new donuts have been born.
Thank you Starbucks for minding your own damn business and keeping your greedy grubby mits off the donut industry and serving bullshit $7 scones instead. I know you actually do serve donuts but this is what they always look like when I go in there:
^Actual picture of Starbucks "donut"
This is not a donut. This is a glazed pastry that has had the unfortunate luck of getting lung cancer. I will not recognize that as a legit donut.
Happy Donut Day Everyone!
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6 comments:
ummmmm, why do you have to put down Tim Hortons? I think we both know it has been nothing but good to you.
^^ I know who this is ;) Shame for Shame! Tim Hortons has been very good to me. I will behave Julie. XX
Funny blog you have here. Helped kill a lot of time the past couple of days.
Chunkies? Where's the love and compassion for the overweight?
C'mon, us socialist vegetarians should know better.
Don't knock Timmie's, those soft bundles of goodness have kept me warm on a many cold Canadian winters.
This is the best ad for Dunkin Donuts I've ever seen. It makes me want to go on a 10 day coke binge and end up in drug rehab after falling asleep on top of three pregnant hookers.
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