Tastes Like The Heart Of America! I'll Take 6!!

Disappointment in American culture is running me over like a damn garbage truck on fire.

When I stomp my way to the top leadership position in this country I will be taking away the following rights:

The right to blare your ipod so loud that I'm forced to listen to your shitty music.

The right to use those ridiculous super humongous $800 Bugaboo strollers to cart around your kid.

The right to watch VH1 reality shows - honestly - that shit is ruining your potential.

The right to eat heart-clogging, crap-hybrid foods. Please see below.

Taken from an article I stumbled upon the other day. It's a solid gold piece for a blog entry. Solid, fatty, salty, fried gold. Unusual Fair Food.

Let me walk you through this monstrosity of reprehensible cuisine:

Chicken-Fried Bacon

Remember the good old days? When chewing on one animal at a time was enough for anyone's meal? Not anymore! All I can think of when I see this is Water Retention. I can't even imagine the amount of sodium in those little fried floozies.

Fried Coca Cola

I get really excited when science is defied by certain food formulations.

"Abel Gonzalez Jr. won Most Creative for this concoction at the 2006 State Fair of Texas"

Well done. Hope that cash prize was a good one. That semester at Junior college ain't gonna pay for itself.

Fried Frog Legs

Woah! Things just went from classy to super snazzy.
Frog Legs - not just for rich people anymore.

Deep-Fried Twinkies

Honestly - can we just make the symbol of our nation a giant deep fryer? It's obviously done more for us than that stupid Bald Eagle has.

Key Lime Pie on-a-stick

Geriatrics all over Florida are doing their happy dance. It's key lime pie dipped in chocolate. Fine. I'll allow it.

This one is really difficult for me to say with out giggling a bit:
Hot Beef Sundae

Now I hate to be unladylike but a "hot beef sundae" sounds like a sexual act that a drunken frat boy would commit on his girlfriend. I'm not quite sure what the act entails - but give me a few minutes. I'm sure I can come up with something good.

Krispy Kreme Chicken Sandwich

Oh. Come. The. Fuck. On.
How can you....why would you even.....who would ever...I can't even start to....I can't. I'm just too upset. I'm not dealing with this.

America: Simply Delicious.
Health Insurance Reform has never looked so tempting.

When Sloth & Slug Unite......

I'm a lazy writer with a crap work ethic

I'll be updating in the next couple of days.  

Thanks for all of your emails! ....even the ones where you guys called me an asshole for not updating.  I've been busy like a bee!