Some People Are Just Better Than You.

I know if she read this she'd probably flip me double birds and call me a hater but I can't keep my mouth shut on this anymore. I really can't. It might be old news to you but this little rotund chocolate orange has held my attention for the last few months and I'm not letting go.

Cheetah print and lace. She wins.

Meet Snooki! She's the eloquent, caring soul that got the bejesus smacked out of her for talking to a guy while carelessly throwing around her index finger and donning the most offensive looking trucker hat I've ever seen. I think violence is terrible, especially against women and I wouldn't support it in a hundred years - thankfully this wasn't the case.

Life Lesson:

When a creature that looks like it just jumped out of the film Willow becomes aggressive towards you, sometimes it's best to just throw some fists. Mythical creatures go down pretty fast and you don't have to worry about killing them - these kind always come back.

Nobody worry. The guy got fired from his teaching position for knocking down the Ed Hardy adorned tree troll and Snooki is as famous as ever.

I hope it was worth it dude! Losing your job just so you could give into what was probably the most satisfying moment of your entire life.

I bet if he could have expressed his feelings at that exact moment in colors he would have shot crystal prisms out of every pore in his body.

They took the guy to jail immediately but this is probably what awaited him at the station:

Violence is bad.

Snooki quotes are good.

I took the time to contribute a hit to her website and found this little gem:

My hobbies are shopping, tanning, and looking good.

Hobbies are meant to bring joy and fulfillment to a person's life. Setting aside extra time in your daily routine so UV bulbs or sunshine rays can bounce off your skin is not a hobby.

I came home when they were putting in the lobsters, I was like yo, are those real? That's disgusting, I'm a vet tech, Like, I save animals, I don't kill them. That's why I don't eat lobster or anything like that cause they're alive when you kill it.

No comment, that's just a flawless quote.

My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey. find a nice juiced hot tanned guy and live my life.

^She is paid thousands of dollars to show up at clubs and get drunk. I'm currently fighting with my payroll department at work so I can get paid properly for over time.

This is all very frustrating. I speak in complete sentences, graduated from a good school with respectable grades and most importantly - I know when to clam it up so guys don't have to go through the trouble of punching me in the face.

Where are my money bags?

Luxury may be an illusion but this bitch is still very real.